Its #thinkingoutloud Thursday!
One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was go back to work and drop my son off at daycare when he was six weeks old. It broke my heart. He was so teeny tiny and fragile. I felt more guilt than you could imagine and bawled my eyes out before I even left his classroom.
Now, 18 months later, it is still hard, but I look forward to the end of the day when I arrive at daycare to pick Ryan up and see the pure joy on his face and get to embrace his hugs. And at the same time, I like the adult conversations I get to have at work, being a financial provider for my family, and enjoy a successful career.
It's a very hard balance though. I am a very driven woman and I enjoy using my creativity and smarts in the business world. I enjoy the money (let's be real) and I like climbing the ladder.
But, I get very jealous when every other mom, in my town, is a stay-at-home mom. They can take their children to the zoo, museum, park, and pool during the week. They don't have to worry about paying for before and after care for preschool...they can drop their child off at 9 AM and pick them up at 3 PM. They can take their child to the library for story time at 10 AM on a random weekday. When I see that on Facebook or get an email about a mid-morning event, I get very frustrated and feel guilty for not being able to be "that mom" for my son.
I have to remind myself, though, that I am still being a great mother to my son. I am showing him the values of being hard working, the sacrifices I am making, and teaching him how to work and make money (even if he doesn't understand yet). I want him to look up to me. And, at the same time, I am praying that he is okay with it... that he won't resent me when he is older and sees moms having lunch with their child at school.
When I come home at night, I fully dedicate myself to Ryan. I leave my phone aside and I make him my focus. I want him to know that when I am there with him, he is the only thing that matters. Work can wait at night, my son cannot. I don't want him to see mommy on her phone at night, still working. I want him to love our time together at night, knowing he has my undivided attention.
I do promise to try and make school lunch dates with him or class parties. Maybe not all of them, but as many as I can. And I will do everything in my human supermom power to be there at his school plays, soccer games, or practices, etc. I will be his biggest cheerleader. I am going to continue to work hard and find that balance and not beat myself up about it in the meantime.
And while I want a successful career, being a mom is my job I am most proud of, it will always take priority, and I want Ryan to know that.
XOXO,
Sherri
Do you work full time and deal with the heartache of not being home with your child?
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